Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
