We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
