I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
