Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize