I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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