But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
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