U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
