i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
This house was built for laser tag.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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