bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
sarcasm needs its own font
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
