I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
And then he peed in my hair
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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