they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
