We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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