Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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