at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
