every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
