I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize