shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
