ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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