he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
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The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
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I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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