I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize