You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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