I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
