i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
