you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
