just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
