so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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