Do you still have your period?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
