You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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