WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
