did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have fence marks all over my body
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
