ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I supernannyed him into submission
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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