you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
