Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
