Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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