YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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