oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
