I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
