your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Someone shit on the floor
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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