Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
