i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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