my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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