Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
