A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
