the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
