she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
