Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
