i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
