Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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