Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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