I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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