Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
