You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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