Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Randomize
