dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
