it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
