You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
