He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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