I love black thongs
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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