I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
