so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
