I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
