erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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