If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
