this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
