I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
