You're a womanizer and a bitch.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
