Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
