Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
