i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
