You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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