I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
