I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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