I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
