He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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