Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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