She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
